Rubber Ducky, You’re so Fine – Even After 18 Years on the Run
Something has to be done about the Guinness people. No, not the manufacturers of the adult beverage (though they have their own issues, for sure). I’m referring to the Guinness World Records people. You know, that little group of devious pranksters who get their kicks out of documenting the stupid things people will do just to get their names in a book. They are the ones to whom I refer.
So what did they do this time? Nothing, other than counting the largest group of people to ever dress up as cheap imitations of the sun on the previously enjoyed Eclipse Day 2024. What I refer to in this post happened a stunning 18 years ago. And we are still living with the consequences.
Rubber Duckies in Dublin
A group of people whom I suspect to be big fans of a puppet named Ernie, of Sesame Street Fame, decided it would be great fun to hold a rubber duck race on the River Liffey in Dublin, Ireland. But my friends, this group was not acting independently – or with a great amount of gray matter either. Their attempt at a Guinness World Record for the largest gathering of rubber ducks engaged in a race was part of a larger “World Duck Race Ireland” event held in the summer of 2006.
Now, I’m no expert in silicone-based water fowl, but I don’t believe rubber ducks possess the necessary muscle mass and cognitive function to engage in competitive motion. Which means that humans must have come up with this brilliant use of a rainy Dublin day.
How do I know it rained in Dublin that day? I don’t. But doesn’t it always rain in Dublin?
On Your Mark, Get Set, Go!
Anyway, the gang in Dublin managed to assemble some 150,000 silicone waterfowl at the starting line for said race. As far as I can tell, the duck gaggle was released so that it could henceforth make its way down the lovely River Liffey. By the way, doesn’t ‘River Liffey’ sound like the name of a pretentious child actress whose adultish career path will ultimately lead her to slumming on TV commercials?
Each silicone waterfowl contestant had to pass under a total of five bridges. The first one to do so would be declared the winner. Its sponsor – if he, she, or it were willing to admit participating in an event that was nothing more than an experience in cruelty to silicone-based life forms – would win a trip to the U.S. to view a taping of Sesame Street. Or maybe it was something else. I don’t know.
A Washed Up Racing Duck
So, given the fact that I had more pressing things to worry about in 2018, how do I now know about such a sordid event in rubber ducky history? Because one of the racing ducks released on the lovely River Liffey so many years ago recently washed up on a beach on Stronsay in Orkney, Scotland. Say that five times fast and see where it gets you.
Anyway, the washed up racing duck had apparently made it out to sea where it enjoyed a long and illustrious career as a piece of floating trash. Fortunately, no whales were harmed in the discharge of the rubber duck’s duties. As an added bonus, hundreds of shore loving persons living in Ireland and Scotland now have a scientific explanation for why they keep hearing what sounds like a pre-teen Muppet endlessly singing ‘Rubber Duckie’.
Thanks to the Guinness World Record people. Rubber Duck Nation owes you a tremendous debt of gratitude.
