Here Comes the Sun, I Think – A Happy Eclipse Story
In case you missed it friends, a new world record was set in Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada on the very same day as the recent eclipse. Based on how the people involved set their dubious record, I fear for the world-famous city the next time there is a full moon north of the Border.
So what did said record setters do to earn such newsworthy accolades? Each participating gob of humanity – and there were 309 such gobs – dressed in a cheap rain poncho, perhaps purchased at a local gift shop for up to CAD $29.99, fully equipped with a tasteful but obtrusive replica of the sun attached to its front side.
Beaming With Pride
Indeed, the city of Niagara Falls must have been beaming with pride while representatives from the Guinness World Records’ Seriously? You’ve Got to Be Kidding Me division did a headcount. Sure enough, the group of sun loving poncho wearers broke the previous record of 287 set in 2020 by the China Life Insurance Company, Ltd. (motto: Forget the House of the Rising Sun, we’ve got the House of Bored Chinese People who Cosplay as Astronomical Apertures).
It is an illustrious feat worth celebrating, my friends. It ranks right up there with Guinness World Records for the largest gatherings of people wearing, and I swear I am not making any of this up:
- Viking helmets
- Tam O’Shanter hats
- Bobble hats
- Dragon costumes
- Harlequin (jester) costumes
It sort of makes me wonder if we should call the Guinness people out to Washington DC next time both houses of Congress get together for the State of the Union Address. They just might set the new record for the largest gathering of people wearing blank stares of indifference while the president drones on about how he intends to sprinkle taxpayer-funded pixie dust that will make everything, except white European males, good again.
Jesters With Viking Helmets
As for dressing up like the sun, why? Just why? Is the city of Niagara Falls so deprived of solar energy that pretending to be the sun is the next best thing for 300+ persons whose dispositions would otherwise be less sunny than desired?
Were there not enough viking helmets or persons willing to wear one? Personally, I think a harlequin wearing a viking helmet while exuding a blank stare of indifference would have been a better deal all the way around. Get a couple of hundred such cosplayers together and the city could have set multiple records in one fell swoop.
Speaking of one fell swoop, that would make a great title for a video featuring all of President Biden’s most memorable slips, trips, and falls – with bonus coverage of Dementia Joe simultaneously stumbling over both his feet and his words.
Please Don’t Laugh
Presidential gait irregularities aside, it seems to me that there are much better ways to spend a pre-eclipse morning than dressing up like a rather poor interpretation of a children’s television mascot and being counted by two guys with clipboards trying their hardest not to laugh out loud.
I wonder if there is a Guiness World Record for the longest amount of time spent chuckling after verifying another new, but obviously ridiculous, world record. Let me look that up. Meanwhile, feel free to entertain ideas for gathering a large group of complete strangers to dress in something that you would otherwise not be caught dead wearing – like polyester suits and platform shoes.
