Florida Man: What Has He Done This Time?
People are weird. And by the way, I count myself among them. Since moving to Central Florida 10 years ago, there have been plenty of situations in which I was one bad decision away from becoming Florida Man. I shudder to think what could have happened if I had listened to that inner voice telling me, “Go ahead, you can climb onto the roof by standing on the top of your golf cart.”
Speaking of golf carts, our community recently had its annual Halloween golf cart parade. What a spectacle of holiday cheer that was. I suspect the only thing better would have been a holiday pickup truck parade deep in the heart of Texas, where costumes are optional. Seeing so many golf carts dressed in orange and purple only increases my anxious anticipation of the annual Christmas golf cart parade which, incidentally, is coming soon.
But enough about golf carts. Let’s get back to weirdness and its relationship to Florida Man. Are they siblings? Kissing cousins? Are they both? They are something because, even here in Florida, we laugh at Florida Man incidents.
Image by Square Frog from Pixabay
My question is this: what makes Florida Man so weird? Is it the water? Maybe our drinking water is purposely spiked by northerners with some sort of chemical that makes us Floridians acts like it’s prom night, we just dropped our dates off, and it’s too early to go home and still save face. Trouble is just waiting to be found, and the northerners are just waiting for the next headline out of the Sunshine State.
If it’s not the water, could it be the exposure to so much natural sunlight? After all, we can’t put sunscreen on our brains — at least not without the help of a complete medical team in full protective gear and plans to bill Medicare obscene amounts of money for such a simple procedure — so perhaps our brains are slowly stewing in the crockpots that are our skulls.
Incidentally, Crock Pot Skulls would be a great name for a rock band! Yes, I borrowed that from Dave Barry. Somebody has to carry on his legacy.
At any rate, I have seen it all since moving to sunny Central Florida. I have seen old people walking their dogs while they, themselves, ride along in golf carts. I have seen ladies pushing their dogs around in strollers. I have seen trucks jacked up so high that only Hunter Biden could drive them and cars sitting so low they look like a pair of pants hanging off a young person’s under-butt.
Speaking of persons, I think it’s time we need a law to outlaw the phrase ‘Florida Man’. First of all, there are plenty of women in this state who do stupid things — here’s looking at you Deborah Wasserman Schultz and Nikki Fried. Secondly, California is exponentially more stupid than Florida. Maybe we have IQ-challenged men who ride down the freeway on bikes while singing ‘I can’t get no satisfaction!”, but Californians continue to reelect Gavin Newsome. How do you explain that?
I explain it this way: people are weird. There’s no getting around it. That being the case, we might just as well enjoy it.
